It's weird and incredibly depressing to know that in one or two more semesters (perhaps even less) that I will not know a single soul working at the Writing Center. I feel I have gotten to know many of you through your writing, but have yet to see you face to face. I don't have that closeness or that trust that exists so inherently in the Center and its crew. And so it makes me nervous. Where, when that time comes, am I going to write?
Already that distance grows as time wears on. Most of people who used to post don't post anymore. I haven't seen Anona on the blog in ages (not even in comments.) Leanna pops up once in awhile, but even her frequency has grown less (I say the last two with an understanding that they both have new born infants that cannot be easy and probably suck up all their time.) Chan is still around, but looking back he, Anona, and I used to post at least weekly when the blog was first started up. EmPo and Jami still post too, but I suppose before long all of our posting will also grow sporadic and eventually just stop.
It takes trust to put your writing out there. Not that I don't trust any of the new people at the WC, it's just that I don't know you. I should trust you, by virtue that Sis. Morgan hired you and you work in the WC. That makes us kindred spirits so to speak. So I should trust you and just keep going as I have before.
There have been several times over the past year and half when I have looked at the blog and thought, "I think I better stop posting on the WC blog now. People are changing. I don't know anyone. Maybe it's just time to move on."
But I still look. I always look. I look daily to see if anything new is up. For pity's sake, you'd think I could let the Writing Center go. You know, move on with my life. But so much of my life, my character, who I am is the Writing Center. When I tell people that I worked at the Writing Center, I expect that to have some deep impact on them. But they just look numbly on as if I had said that I worked at Walmart or something. Don't they realize that I worked at the Writing Center. This place is so much more than a job. It is a life.
And I always come back too. I always post again. I get scared--every time. How will it be received? How will these people who don't even know me take this random bit of nonsense that's scattered across the page? Will they realize that it isn't scattered nonsense to me? Do they know that it belongs to me? That it means something? It is a part of me?
I hope so. Because I honestly don't know where else to read truth. Fresh, clean, icy-glass truth. And I don't have anywhere else to post.
Let's face it. I trust all of you complete strangers more than I trust 3/4 of the people who read my "public" blog (the 1/4 of the people I trust are Writing Center people who read my blog.) Which is why I never post on it. I can't force myself to write driveled down fluff that would be acceptable, but I don't trust anyone to read anything that I would write for real.
So, if it is all right with you, I think I'll just keep posting here, every now and again. And maybe someday we will meet face to face and realize that we are very good friends and know each other infinitely better than the people we keep physical contact with because of the Writing Center.