So. Have you ever contemplated your own selfishness? Well I did. Today to be exact. I contemplated my selfishness and immaturity that was raging inside me while I was trying to remain the humble gracious daughter I should be. With out going into too much detail, my parents bought a huge house in Cedar Hills Utah. They get not only their GIANT master bedroom, but they are each taking a bedroom for a private study as well. My brother is getting practically the whole basement . . . and I? I get either what they call the "guest bedroom where Michelle (my older sister and her family), James, and Keegan will stay when they visit", or "The fun room where we’ll put a pool table and stuff when you’re done with it". Now… call me immature, but I feel like I’m being pushed out. Older sister with her cute family who lives in a different state gets priority over me. Little brother who will still live there for years gets priority over me (and rightly so). But really. Yes I go to college and will be there most of the time…But I still want a home! I don’t want to feel like I’m visiting my family when I’m home for breaks. I want to go HOME! Is it so much to ask that I get my own room, called "Kylie’s room"?
Another point of my selfishness: Christmas.
So since seeing all the money my parents have been spending on the house and things to go in the house, I’ve pretty much accepted that I’m going to have no Christmas. Ever since they decided to pay for my college I get no Christmas. Which is fine. That’s a fair trade off I suppose. But then my mother had to come out and say that I wasn’t getting anything because they pay for tuition and my phone bill. Now, even though I had accepted this in my mind, having my mother just confirm it so blatantly did something to me inside. Defiance. For some reason I wasn’t ok with it all of the sudden. I was totally bugged. It could have been that she started it off with asking me if there was anything that I wanted, even though she would have shut it down anyway. Or it could have been that she ended with, "good, just wanted to make sure you were ok with that", when it wouldn’t have mattered if I wasn’t ok with that. Or it could have been somewhere in the middle when she said I was getting a house anyway, when really I was barley getting a room! But anyway, it is the way it is, and now I have a new dilemma that I need help with.
I thought about going out and buying myself some stuff I really want and having my mother just wrap it. But then that would just be lame anyway. So then I thought about giving my mother money to spend on me. Again lame, but better because I’d still be surprised. So my last thought (and most mature and unselfish) would be to spend that money on my parents (who PS are giving themselves thousands of dollars worth of new furnature etc this season). But the problem with that is that my mother is the hardest person to buy things for. I don’t care who you know. She IS. Never says things she wants, hates having money spent on her, but the things that I know she might want happen to be expensive (like paintings), and even those types of things are risky to buy someone without their opinion. So. Any suggestions? I NEED HELP! (But I really do sound more desprate than I really am...)