12/8/08

Stagnation

I like this word. It gets weirder the more you look at it. But the real reason I'm writing is to ask for help in the form of a Writing Center Brainstorming Session. I want to write a book. If you had time to write a book, what would you write it about? Is there anything that needs to be written, or should I just read more?

17 comments:

Matthew R. Hall, Esq. said...

Earlier today, I thought that I should write one of those books where a straight-arrow guy falls in love with this crazy, arty type girl, except my book will be more like my life and the girl will have no reciprocating interest and the ending won't be poetic just gray.

If you want to use that concept, we can have a contest to see which version is better and the winner could have like chocolate or something mailed to them.

Chan said...

I think there are far too few LDS romance novels. The Pearls and Peril series was great, but we all knew there would only be as many titles as there are gemstones that alliterate with words that have to do with danger and espionage, which is only a handful, if you really think about it. And then there's Anita Stansfield, but she's just one woman, and what is one lone woman in the face of such an overwhelming need for tasteful, gospel oriented romance? A candle in the wind, that's what she is. Twilight doesn't count. So, as you can see, Anona, what the world needs now is a Momance novel. It's just waiting to be written.

Julie M said...

Oh you all crack me up. I love it.
I think you should write a book Anona, but I think only you can figure out what about. I remember a line Sis. Morgan used to always say from F. Scott Fitzgerald, "Don't write because you want to say something, write because you've got something to say." Granted, figuring out what it is that you've got to say is the hardest part. I struggle.
But in gratitude for coming up with my roadshow theme last year, I think that you should write about a youth roadshow gone wrong because of a psychedelic director and maybe an alien invasion. It's sure to be a classic that will be made into a movie that primaries and young men/women groups will watch everywhere.

Leanna said...

Hey Chan, I resent your comment about the Pearls and Perils series. The author, Lynn Gardner, is a good family friend and even made my baby blanket which I have now passed on to my baby. Although I'm kidding about resenting you, I'm not kidding about the baby blanket. =D

E. Anona said...

Okay, good work everyone. I will begin writing my tasteful Mormon romance and post excerpts from it on the blog.

Jami said...

See what you've done, Chan? Now we have to read blurbs of a romance novel on the blog.

Since they're coming from Anona, though, they're sure to be saturated with sarcasm and wit. Can't wait. How are you, Anona? How's the babe?

Matthew R. Hall, Esq. said...

I looked up and there he was: blond hair, blue eyes, and that ring from the swooping neck of his garment that could barely be seen beneath his shirt. I just stared and then gasped for breath, realizing I hadn't inhaled for several seconds.

"Hello, may I take this seat?"

I looked into his face--chiseled, masculine--and stuttered while I whispered, "Y-yeah."

He sat down and placed his pine green scripture case on his desk. With a zzzzzzzr-zzzzzzzr-zzzzzzzr he opened it and pulled his quad out. "Sister," he asked the teacher, "In my preparation to hear this lesson, I came across some interesting points. It's alright to share my insights in this ward, right?"

I was in love.

Chan said...

Matt, that is hilarious. "With a zzzzzzr-zzzzzzr-zzzzzzr" is my favorite part.

Crystal said...

That is quite possibly the best thing I've read all day. I'll bet you could make millions as a Mormon romance writer.

Natorade said...

I don't know whether or not I like this. I laughed, oh yes, but out of what I'm still not sure. I think as long as this stays a satire I'm all in. Just not a stupid satire like that dumb home teaching movie that shouldn't exist. Has anyone read tuck everlasting? For some reason, I really loved reading that. It was in 6th grade mind you so things could have changed.

Julie M said...

I read Tuck Everlasting and loved it. But I really like children's lit, so mine might not be a valid opinion.

E. Anona said...

Nice try Matt. Too bad you don’t know what women really look for. Julie, life’s good. I’m in Utah right now visiting the fam and Sammy is starting to grow hair and already has a tooth—definite proof that my child is a genius. So here is what you all are waiting for:

Jo was surrounded. EFY kids were everywhere, a swarming mass of humanity surging around her while awkwardly flirting with each other—a lethal combination. As she tried to fight the current to make it to the Manwaring Center, the thin brunette with a quiet smile that complimented her deep green cardigan struggled to keep back tears. Black glasses gave strength to her delicate features, but didn’t hide the circles under her eyes from late nights studying. Jo quickly weighed the only options open to her as the crowd bore her further away from her dance class that she desperately needed an ‘A’ in: she could detour around construction or…or join THEM.
Suddenly, as if in answer to her unspoken secret prayer, a figure appeared in front of her, towering over the 14-year-old boys, even dwarfing the bouffant hairstyles of the blond girls with carefully selected outfits that made up the bulk of the crowd. Jo only had time to register that he wore the shirt of an EFY counselor as he deftly steered her through the sweaty crowd, using her backpack as a shield to bat away the daring boys who would pop up in front of them, trying to get their picture taken with a REAL college co-ed. The courageous counselor deposited her on the stairs in front of her destination, but as Jo caught her breath to thank him, he spun around and re-entered the relentless herd.

Coming up: Will Jo see her mysterious savior again? Was he just an EFY counselor, or was he something more? Why did he save her? Will she make it to her dance class on time?

All this and more, in “Pearls Before Swine: Jo’s Search for a Good Man”

iBo said...

This should be followed up with by Flannery O' Connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find" haha.

Julie M said...

Oh, I can't wait for the next installment!
How long will you be in Utah for? How are you liking Texas? And it's true; you're child is most likely a genius like yourself. You should post a picture sometime so we can see how she is growing.

And Chan, I decided that Anita Stansfield may be a candle in the wind, but she's one of those trick candles. You know the ones you put on B-day cakes and you blow and blow but they don't go out. And all the while their dripping their noxious wax all over the beautiful cake. Oftentimes the only way to extinguish them is to put them under the tap and just like the water pour. But even then...so don't worry about Stansfield. I'm sure she'll be around to continue to leave a nice wax mark in the literary world.

Chan said...

Delightful and apt analogy, Julie.

Sky said...

OK, and what in the heck is going on here? I leave the blog for a week or three, and Anona has an insane breakdown encouraged by Chan and Julie. You did manage to get me laughing hysterically, however, and Matt's done some of his best writing here. Poor Anita S. When I worked at Deseret Book, I got assigned to read her newest submission (she submitted about once a month). My job? I was to carefully look for a few good things to say about her writing to put in the rejection letter. No one can ever accuse DB of not having compassion in their rejection, though that sounds like it's not true in Matt's love life, but, I say, go for Artsy, Matt. We can't handle anymore blond bouffants.
Chan, your tone is flawless.
Anona, I haven't seen so many adjectives--the real secret to sentimentality--since junior high. My favorite lines are "a swarming mass of humanity surging around her while awkwardly flirting with each other—a lethal combination."..."thin brunette with a quiet smile that complimented her deep green cardigan ..." "...even dwarfing the bouffant hairstyles of the blond girls with carefully selected outfits ...." "Was he just an EFY counselor, or was he something more? Why did he save her? Will she make it to her dance class on time?"
But, I have to cast my winning vote for the subliminal symbolic sweetness of this sentence: "Jo quickly weighed the only options open to her as the crowd bore her further away from her dance class that she desperately needed an ‘A’ in: she could detour around construction or…or join THEM."

Nate, have no fear of this group taking a sudden turn from cynicism into sentimentality. I think this is why I love you all. If you error, it's never on the side of sugar.

Julie, remember how Anona freaked out when you two were delivering scribblers and got caught in the Construction area? Do you think this is PTSS from the horror of clawing at the fence, choking on her combination of claustrophobia and indignation over accidentally breaking rules?

Sky said...

Ivooooooor.
I can't resist telling Ivor that Anona is a very well-read English Grad, who was making a calculated allusion already to O'Connor's "A Good Man is Hard to Find." Notice it's capitalized in her post?