People keep asking me how it feels to be a college graduate, and all I can tell them is it hasn't sunk in yet. I mean, why should it? I moved back home--that's no different than at the end of any school year. I don't have to be out looking for a job--I leave on my mission in less than two weeks. It isn't like I wake up in the morning with an imprint on my forehead that says, "I am a college graduate now!" It seems silly now to remember how I used to think gradauating would suddenly make me feel so much older, wiser, entitled. Looking at the pictures this blog, I am suddenly very homesick for the Writing Center and for my friends there. Now it hits me that I really am not going to be back there again in January like usual. My days at the BYU-Idaho writing Center are complete.
I watched the movie Freedom Writers tonight with my little brother. I had never seen it before now. I think I remember somebody (Julie?) writing about it on the WC Blackboard blog last semester, but I don't remember what was said about it. Aside from the fact that it is just another rendition of movies like Stand and Deliver, Lean on Me, and others, I really liked the movie. The whole time I watched it, I thought, I could never do what that teacher did. I don't think I'd have it in me to be as strong as that teacher, Ms. G., had to be. That thought scared me.
I leave for the mission field in less than two weeks. I am excited and scared at the same time. I wish it was time to leave right now so that I could stop making myself sick worrying about all the what-if's. I know I need to be in the mission field. I am needed for reasons for myself and for someone out there. I might not ever know why it is I needed to be there, but whatever the reason, I hope I am strong enough to be that right person in the place at the right time. I'll never forget the night I drove home from Salt Lake with Sister Morgan. As I read my patriarchal blessing by the light of my iPod, I clutched my door to hide from Sister Morgan and from the realization that my answer to serve was in there in at least six different places. No joke. Now serving a mission is the only thing I want to do. I think Heavenly Father knew I needed an answer that strong to get through to me.
The restless anticipation of getting out of here is killing me. I almost can't think straight because everything in me is geared up for being a missionary. Until August 22, however, there is nothing for me to do but wait to finally delve into the life I have been waiting to live since that ride home from Salt Lake.
-Kristen (a.k.a. Sister Meisberger of the Virginia Richmond Mission)