People keep asking me how it feels to be a college graduate, and all I can tell them is it hasn't sunk in yet. I mean, why should it? I moved back home--that's no different than at the end of any school year. I don't have to be out looking for a job--I leave on my mission in less than two weeks. It isn't like I wake up in the morning with an imprint on my forehead that says, "I am a college graduate now!" It seems silly now to remember how I used to think gradauating would suddenly make me feel so much older, wiser, entitled. Looking at the pictures this blog, I am suddenly very homesick for the Writing Center and for my friends there. Now it hits me that I really am not going to be back there again in January like usual. My days at the BYU-Idaho writing Center are complete.
I watched the movie Freedom Writers tonight with my little brother. I had never seen it before now. I think I remember somebody (Julie?) writing about it on the WC Blackboard blog last semester, but I don't remember what was said about it. Aside from the fact that it is just another rendition of movies like Stand and Deliver, Lean on Me, and others, I really liked the movie. The whole time I watched it, I thought, I could never do what that teacher did. I don't think I'd have it in me to be as strong as that teacher, Ms. G., had to be. That thought scared me.
I leave for the mission field in less than two weeks. I am excited and scared at the same time. I wish it was time to leave right now so that I could stop making myself sick worrying about all the what-if's. I know I need to be in the mission field. I am needed for reasons for myself and for someone out there. I might not ever know why it is I needed to be there, but whatever the reason, I hope I am strong enough to be that right person in the place at the right time. I'll never forget the night I drove home from Salt Lake with Sister Morgan. As I read my patriarchal blessing by the light of my iPod, I clutched my door to hide from Sister Morgan and from the realization that my answer to serve was in there in at least six different places. No joke. Now serving a mission is the only thing I want to do. I think Heavenly Father knew I needed an answer that strong to get through to me.
The restless anticipation of getting out of here is killing me. I almost can't think straight because everything in me is geared up for being a missionary. Until August 22, however, there is nothing for me to do but wait to finally delve into the life I have been waiting to live since that ride home from Salt Lake.
-Kristen (a.k.a. Sister Meisberger of the Virginia Richmond Mission)
2 comments:
I knew I had graduated from college when I realized how little I really knew and when my curiosity (burned out from too much formal learning)returned. Get your head into some Zen because whereever you go is where you'll be. You're going to be a great missionary, but "ya know, it don't come easy" (Beatles).
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