7/2/08

Continuation of Jami's Contest

Let's play harder and move to Haiku. The form pushes writers into simplicity and into SEEING current detail. 1)Haiku usually addresses--in the moment--nature or seasons and seldom uses metaphor.
2)The more simple and close to perfect observation the better.
3)Seventeen syllables; three lines; five, seven, five.
4)The first line usually names the subject and other two lines illuminate with concrete sense detail.

Like I said, the more simple the better, though you can stray from nature once in awhile as in example below.

Matt's useless detail:
"Girl sits on lawn with rolled-up pants.
Cute." Matt walks on by.


But, nature haiku are better--

Moon rolls through storm clouds
If I could catch a moonbeam
tonight, I could fly.


Or
Moon moves through white clouds.
I could reach and catch the moon.
Tonight, I will fly.

(Whoops. Too close to metaphor)

22 comments:

T & J said...

Dead bird sizzeling
On a warm summer sidewalk--
Swept away by ants.

(Yeah, that was me who deleted that post. I did 5-7-7 instead of 5-7-5. Oops. By the way, this one is a joke.)
~Jami~

T & J said...

I meant "sizzling," naturally. Oops again.

Chan said...

Haiku...

Isn't that the game
That has nine squares and all the
Numbers and spaces?

Here's a haiku I wrote in third grade:

When the sun comes up
In the shining morning dew
Animals say "hi."

My dad was so proud of me that he printed it and framed it.

And here's one I'm making up as we speak:

My personal flaws
Sock me in the belly and
Throw dirt in my teeth.
I flip them a good-natured
Bird, spit dirt, and walk to class.

I like this one, I'll be honest. It's 57577, but Ivor told me this is still a poetic form. It has another Japanese name like maybe koneecheewah or tokyo or michellekwan, or something.

Crystal said...

3 o'clock, can't sleep
stars are lit, roommate’s snoring
why am I still up?

Julie M said...

Empty kleenex box
Stuffy nose and bleeding eyes
Idaho summer.

-Julie and David

iBo said...

That's a Tanka Chandler. :p 575 describes the image, 77 an abstract idea.

I walk home in the
sun's orange flowered shadow,
to drink the gold leaves.

Why must trees birth these green reds,
then leave the world bare for white?

iBo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
iBo said...

Amen to Julie,
and the ground shaking sneezes
I launch. Ouch my back.

Nate Russ said...

The streetlight’s orange beam
reflected off of puddles,
back onto my face.

Sky said...

Chandler, 57577 is NOT Tokyo Koneecheewah. Ibo is tricking you into using a looser form. 57577 is called Watolonekee(translated "Wise Spirit who examines own soul"). It comes from a small part of the Crow nation who escaped into Canada before we gunned them down in the gullies. That Ibo writes nice poetry, but watch him--he's slippery.

Crystal needs some sleep.

Sky said...

Nice one, Nate. It took me there.

Air Rocky said...

Haiku!

I am colored-blind
Orange blades cut through the dirt
Grass reaches the sky

So I am pretty sure this is my first attempt ever at being Japanese.

iBo said...

Heat like strangling hands,
bakes to blind white the sidewalk,
drags my throat to class.

Crystal said...

Broken stars litter
The leaves of branches stretching
Past the sky’s shadow

Sky said...

(Nice one, Crystal.)

Kitras said...

Sluggish sweaty hot
breathing in the moist heavy
dripping muggy air

I'll call this "Summer Day"

iBo said...

I wish everyone
would call me 'Ivi' because
it's such a cool name.

iBo said...

I wish certain friends
wouldnt post things under my
name and ruin my life.

why am i with a "funny"
female that schemes my downfall?

Crystal said...

At least I can write
syllabically correct
haikus of delight.

iBo said...

"where is the image?"
Sis Morgan would ask and say,
"Take us there Crystal."

Matthew R. Hall, Esq. said...

difference between
bull and wife? One is out of
kitch'n.--sexist rodeo

(Inspired by Nate and the Sexist Rodeo.)

Crystal said...

Laptop sits open -
Ivi's gmail account gleams.
I could not resist.